Prologue

She was dreaming. She knew she was dreaming. It was a strange feeling being able to tell that it was a dream and still keep … dreaming it …
She sat on a chair in the doctor’s office and cried.
“But … but, I have to be … Please tell me I am … please …”
“I am sorry, Miss Winston, your labs show that you are not pregnant. I am so sorry …”
“No …”
“Rae …” she heard someone call her, a voice she hadn’t heard in a long time. “Sweetheart, it’s ok … I’m here”, and she felt his arms wrapping tight aroud her.
“Richard …” she whispered, choosing to forget that it was just a dream. “I’m sorry … our baby … I thought …”
“Shhh … “
She woke up alone and in tears. Realizing it was indeed a dream she yelled in frustration:
“Get the hell out of my dreams and come hold me in real life, you idiot!”
Two minutes later, the door to her room burst open and she saw her sisters’ sleepy faces.
Lynn ran to her and hugged her, while Kathy kept asking what happened.
“I … I … had a dream” she sobbed into her sisters arms “Again …”
“Oh …” Lynn whispered.
“Crap!” Kathy added.
Both Billie and Lynn looked at her.
“Katherine!” Lynn scolded, “Stop that. It’s … rude. Billie’s really hurting. And she had a dream and she is probably frustrated and needs us …”
“It was about Richard”, Billie said and then smiled “Again …” Lynn gave her a smile and she continued “We were with a doctor and I thought I was pregnant but the doctor told us I wasn’t and … I felt so empty … and he was there to hug me and comfort me … And then I woke up and that feeling of emptiness is back. Oh, Lynn, I feel so empty and lonely … “
“I know …” her sister said hugging her again. Kathy came closer and hugged her, too.
“You have us …”, she said.
After a few minutes she disentangled herself from the other two and, starring at the window, she asked:
“Why am I still dreaming of him? I really thought I was over him …”
Lynn kind of knew the question was addressed to her.
“You’ve had a crush on him since day one. You’ve come to love him and you’ve loved him for five years … You’ve gone through med school with him and although he never knew that, you’ve become who you are now, partly because of him. The fact that he never shared your feelings made it somewhat worse. He knew how you felt and he also knew he was your best friend. Heck, you were his best friend, too. So he did what he thought would be best for both of you: pretend he didn’t see how in love you were and at the same time keep you close giving you the kind of love he could, that of a friend.”
“Let me tell you, sis, you’ll be a great shrink one day.” Kathy said mockingly.
“Shut it, Kath!” Lynn replied. They all smiled.
“It’s so nice to …” Billie started but she stopped as they heard a little voice down the hallway.
“Lynnie? Kathy? Where are you?”
“Abby” Kathy said.
“I’ll go.” and Lynn headed for the door.
“I swear I don’t get mom and dad. Why in the world did they need another kid ten years after their third?” Kathy commented.
“Dad was hoping for a son …” Billie smiled.
“Well, serves him right then, a fourth daughter, if he considered three girls weren’t enough and had to go for a boy.” Kathy said bitterly.
Her sister smiled knowing what a “blow” Abby’s birth had been to Kathy, when she realized she wasn’t going to be the baby of the family anymore.
Lynn came back carrying Abby.
“Welcome to the land of … GIGGLES!” she yelled and placed the eight years old on top of Billie and Kathy.
After a “match” of tickles and giggles and laughter, the four of them snuggled closer to each other under the covers.
“It was good to have you here tonight … After the dream I mean … “, Billie said.
“Haven’t we been here all the way? Since the first ‘I think I’ve fallen in love with the wrong guy’ all through ‘I love him with all my heart and he doesn’t even care!’ and ‘I know he’s hurting me, but he’s my best friend and I need him so much’ till ‘he’s taking Olivia to Graduation Party’ major breakdown?” Kathy asked jokingly.
“It was not a major breakdown!” Billie defended.
“Planning on showing us a greater one?”
“No …”
“Thanks!”
“Rude, Katherine, so rude …” Lynn started but not so convincing.
“Oh, shut it, shrinkie!” Kathy scolded.
“Good night!” Lynn said.
“’Night!”
“’Night!”
“’Night!”, three voices answered.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then Billie spoke again.
“I actually thought I’ve moved on, you know …”
“We know …” Lynn told her.
“I miss him, you know …”
“We know …” it was Kathy this time.
“Good night!”, Billie said with a sigh and the other three said it back.
“What’s a breakdown?” Abby’s voice broke the silence.
“It’s when you feel very, very sad and cry a lot …” Billie answered stroking her baby sister’s long brown hair.
“I think I might have one if mom refuses to let me go to Annie’s sleepover party.” she stated while her sisters tried so hard not to laugh.
“Nighty night, Abby!”, Lynn said.
Another couple of minutes passed, till Kathy talked:
“Chuck’s being a jerk. We have had some trouble with the skating lately and he says it’s my fault ‘cause I’ve put on some weight … And he’s dating Sienna Carrow who is so cute and well – shaped and totally feminine.”
“Jerk!”, Lynn said.
“Totally!”, Billie agreed.
“Did you just say Sienna was … “well – shaped?” Billie asked laughing.
“Not helping, sis”, Kathy warned.
“Kay, sorry, but he’s your partner and I know he’s a jerk for blaming the bad skating on you, but when it comes to dating I really don’t think you have a say … I mean he can date whom ever he wants, you have to … um … accept … “, Billie continued.
“Billie!” Kathy said “Remember Graduation party and Olivia?”
“Yeah …, sorry …”
“Thanks”
Before anyone could wish the others goodnight for the third time that night, Kathy spoke again:
“Lynn?”
“Mmmm …” her sister answered.
“Do you have anything to share with us?”
“Not really. … Why?”
“Oh, I just thought for the sake of the conversation …” Kathy replied.
“Ok, fine!” Lynn burst. “There’s this guy, Denny, we met at a party, got drunk, had … um … “ she placed her hands on Abby’s years and whispered “sex”.
“Hey! What was that for?” Abby asked angry.
“And???” Kathy asked.
“Whoa, stop right there! Right after you met?” Billie shouted.
“Billie, let her tell the story, please” Kathy told her sister.
“And we talked, and realized we were both sick and tired of people flirting with us and we were both too busy with our studies to waste time dating so we decided to tell people we were dating each other.”
“So you’re dating this guy?” Kathy asked.
“That’s what we tell people but we’re actually just …”
“Friends with benefits?” Billie offered, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
“Yeah …” she answered. And after a moment of silence she added “I’m a mess …” Her elder sister extended her arm and hugged her. Lynn rested her head on her shoulder and neither Kathy, nor Abby knew she was crying quietly.
They slept snuggled together in Billie’s bed for a few hours until the noise made by someone’s cell phone waked them.
“Billie, it’s yours, make it stop” Kathy mumbled. Billie reached for her cell phone and answered:
“Hello …”
“Rae …” she heard and for a brief moment she wondered if she could still be dreaming.
“Richard?” she whispered.
Both Lynn and Kathy’s eyes shot open and they both looked at her. Her own eyes widened as she heard him say:
“Rae … Can you please come to New York? I … need you so much!” and then the voice broke.
“I … you … are you ok?” she asked already knowing what she was going to do.
“Rae …”
“I … I’ll be right over. First flight in the morning. “ she told him.
“Thank you. It means a lot. I’ll be waiting for you …”
“You’re welcome” she said with a smile, then she hang up and turned to her sisters stating simply “I’m going to New York”.